What I really wanted to do, now I
was being more relaxed in my approach and not getting so pissed off when it
went wrong, was to dress up as a male unicorn and tempt the unicorn back to the
van. Not that I really knew what one looked
like. I didn't even know if she was old
enough for that sort of thing.
That wasn't my biggest problem,
though. What I'm talking about here, the
plan I mean, is a white panto horse suit with a great horn sticking out its
forehead - and that takes two, baby.
One person I would need to rope
in. Probably more to help make the
costume. But how do you go about roping
someone in for such a plan? Not everyone
believes unicorns even exist, you see, so to pick the wrong person could have
been fatal. How do you tell someone that
your hobby is trying to trap a mystical and legendary wild animal to tame and
to keep? Most people just won't listen,
the rest will rip it for all eternity.
And what do you say are your
reasons because you can't tell the truth, that could just make it worse, make the
laughing that much harder.
Do you tell them about all the side
parts? The other mythical beings and the
magic - it would all sound so preposterous out loud, I am sure, no matter what
the truth.
Or the person you choose could turn
out to be an animal rights activist, a greenie - there are a few in our
office. Everyone thinks I’m one of them,
in fact. You see, I was pretty vocal in
support of the fox hunting ban when it was discussed at the water cooler. A large part of it was me trying to get a
certain someone’s attention, to impress and stuff. I could be crucified for this in that
respect. The hypocrite whip could so
easily be unleashed.
So naturally I had told no one at
all of my forays into the forest for fear of being made a fool.
And even if I picked the right
person, would I want to share her? That
was the problem with one guy at work.
He was the only person at work I ever considered as an ally in this
plan; but that was because he reminded me of myself.
This guy was awkward in character,
with often greasy hair and he wasn’t much of a looker either, and often quiet - he sat
at an isolated work station avoiding sociability when he wanted, ignoring
others, living in his own bubble.
Occasionally, when he tried, he would often go too far, say something in
a way that rubs hard - remember what I said about fox hunting. That went down badly with a lot of people,
mainly because of the way I put things, semi-attacked people. He sometimes did the same sort of thing. Only in a kind of creepy way.
Sometimes our eyes met and it was
like we both knew something important about each other. Why we didn't talk more, I didn't know. I guess we had our own circles outside work
and so didn't bother inside. Anyway, as
I say, he was a lot like me and I think he would have loved the unicorn, found
the same peace in her, would want her too.
But maybe see his chance and shop me - I was quite paranoid, actually,
of that possibility and stayed away from him in case I let slip as I was sure I
would.
I put that plan to bed, then. It
was far too risky to let someone else in.
Either I would be humiliated or I would have to share the one thing in
the world that only I knew about and the thing I cared most about. And, anyway, the puzzle was mine to
solve. I had to go it alone. So I filed that plan away to forget and came
up with another. While sitting in
the office and stewing I had spotted just how addicted virtually everyone was
to sudoku...
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