Wednesday, 29 May 2013

Attempts to Capture and Tame a Unicorn (31): Porridge (1)

After failing to overload the unicorn with oats, I figured I should try and lure her with them instead.  The clearing had thus far proved an unsuccessful battleground after all.  Maybe it was time to move away, mix things up a bit.

I parked the van across a lay-by at the edge of the forest with the back end up against the turf curb and the doors thrown open.  In the back I set up a small cauldron on top of a four-hob camping stove.  All four hobs I fired up and in the cauldron I made some porridge which I heated and stirred until it was boiling and producing as much steam as it could.  Then I helped nature along by switching on a big fan.

The first animal to approach was a red squirrel.  His little head popped up out of the centre of a mulberry bush, his nose twitching.  But he was too shy to get any closer and soon disappeared from sight.

Not long after a sleepy looking badger shuffled out of the forest's cover and wandered up to the van.  I ladled out a bowlful and watched as she ate up the contents before sidling off back home to sleep.

Shortly after, a grey squirrel came bounding along out of a tree and into the van where the cheeky devil begged for a feed.  He turned down the porridge offered on a spoon which confused me.  Until the squirrel pointed at my lunchbox and I remembered the nuts.

Soon after the squirrel bounded off happy and full of monkey nuts.  I was still awaiting the unicorn's presence and cleaning up the shells when something seen out the corner of my eye made me freeze.  A blue and green striped snake was slithering through the grass towards me.  My body paused while my eyes followed the snake, its tongue flicking out every second, guiding it to my cauldron.  Finally it reached the van disappearing for a moment before rearing its head and meeting my petrified eyes.

It was a friendly snake, though, and we chatted about my quest.  He agreed in principle to help me out at some point in the future and even wished me luck.

Ten or twenty minutes after Salazar wiggled away a magical otter appeared out of thin air, looking up at me with huge, moist black eyes.  Once she had had a taste, the otter seemed to mouth an incantation whilst staring blindly ahead and a mole appeared just as she had but poking out of a molehill.  They both ate two whole bowlfuls.

A Forest Imp was my next visitor.  He was a jolly soul.  Telling me about his treehouse home and his whole (extended so many times) family and his Town Imp cousins, one of these Towmps poses as a midget and interacts with humans, would you believe.  And all sorts about the forest - about virtually every aspect of it, in fact, bar the unicorns.  And he didn't even have any porridge he spoke so much.

The Frimp was quickly replaced by a sprite I suspect had been waiting in a bush for the chatterbox to leave.  I warded it off with a big stick, the odious little wretch.

Then followed a period of quiet...







...ended by a really trippy experience.  It started with a translucent hand coming out of a silver birch.  This was followed by the rest of a green body, topped off with hair made of silver birch leaves.

This spectre was followed by another, brown in colour, from a neighbouring fir tree, again with hair like its tree's foliage.  Soon an apparition was exiting from every tree this side of the forest and they were all advancing toward me - a host of green and brown ghosts.

I was shit scared I don't mind telling you.  Especially when I heard the voice in my head.  One of them, maybe all of them, was apologising, saying they could not resist and would I mind if they tried some.  "We are tree spirits, by the way," I was told when handing over the first bowl, my hand shaking. 

They all liked the porridge very much and soon cleared me out, leaving me right where I had started.  Once they were gone I let out a sigh and picked up the oats again.

By the time I was up and running again, Sports Report was coming to an end and the light was fading.  A white mouse appeared and I started to lose hope.  I offered the tiny creature a spoonful to sample.  She sniffed at the mixture and began to squeak excitedly.

And that's when I spotted her.  Obscured by some hawthorns, nose flaring, she was clearly excited.  She stepped forward when the mouse stopped its report but ceased her movement a foot or two after the trees ended and stared fixedly at the cauldron.

Her nostrils kept sniffing the air, her tongue flicked out of her mouth and licked her lips several times, and her front hooves were shaking slightly, trying but failing to stay still.  Once or twice one or the other foot was lifted and put back down again.

Clearly something was holding her back.  Her senses cried yes! but that something inside would not let her step forward and enjoy.


She stepped forward twice but stopped as her knees and then her body began to shake violently as if she were scared.  This lasted for ten or twenty seconds and then the shaking abruptly stopped.  The something inside had won.  Before she turned away, her eyes seemed to look down at the van's back tyres and her head shook from side to side a couple of times.

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